you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
