Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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