One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
