I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Someone came in the potted fern
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
