It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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