I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
where are my eyebrows?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize