Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
