I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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