That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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