very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
