I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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