If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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