first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
