rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
