There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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