Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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