I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
