please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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