I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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