Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
