it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
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I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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