He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
