i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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