also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
