I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
