I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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