It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
