"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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