Define "chronic" masturbator.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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