I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no you cant smoke seaweed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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