For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
