If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
