Joe is yelling at the trees again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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