i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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