Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
