just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
