nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
