Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love having hate sex.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
