That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
