Umm I'm too high to move.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
