we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize