ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
