felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
