I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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