apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
