dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
