Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
