I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
