No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
