Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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