i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
