I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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