My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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