I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
