I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
