i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
