I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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