You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
