so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The ass gains better be worth it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
