i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
