conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
