this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
