I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
