you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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