i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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