How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
