then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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