I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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