i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
