He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
