Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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