I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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