Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She bit a glass in half.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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