did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
