In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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