he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
