I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
