Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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