Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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